MADONNA AT “HAMILTON”
A MIXED-UP MIXTAPE FOR THE
PRESIDENT
LIN
Mr. President, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first
unveiling of our mixtape for “Madonna at Hamilton.” We’re just doing the songs, like I originally did of
The Hamilton Mixtape for you, Mr. President, and that worked out pretty well,
didn’t it?
[waits for applause, if
any]
So let’s go:
As you know, Madonna and I are now best friends forever. Madonna’s seen “Hamilton” ten times at
this point, and we’ll take a look at what’s been on her mind when she sees it.
MADONNA
Tune of MATERIAL GIRL
Some respect me, some dissect me
That’s okay by me
As long as I get final edit
Over what they see
They can say this feud’s blown up
They say it’s all just hype
There’s the air of something crucial
In each word I type
reporters
'Cause she is
Living in her imperial world
And this is good material, Girl
We know that she is living in an imperial world
And this is good material, Girl
MADONNA
Some give grief, well I’ll be brief,
Those people are not kind
Since they caught this girl red-handed
I am in a bind
REPORTERS
‘Cause everybody’s
Living in her imperial world
And this is good material, Girl
You know that she is living in an ethereal world
And this is good material, Girl
[repeat chorus]
LIN
Jumping around in time so
you know what good friends we are now:
Not that many people know this, but it was Madonna who first tried to
text the news of Hamilton’s Pulitzer:
MADONNA (with a very visible laptop)
(tune of Live To Tell)
I have a tale to tell
I’d love to spread good
word of Lin Manuel
The news should really be
well known
But why’d my handler take
away my phone
(chorus)
The man just won ten
thousand bucks
I hope he spends it well
What I’d give to tell
The news about his prize
I can’t let it burn
inside of me
My phone is never far
from me
I keep it hidden well
‘Cause I live to tell
The news that I have now
Good word, good word of
Lin Manuel
If I type away
I never mean to be so
rude or uncouth
I want to spread the
simple, honest truth
Does it get old
Me sitting with a hand
that’s all aglow
But how would they hear,
how would they learn, how would they know?
(chorus)
A man can earn ten
thousand bucks
I hope he spends it well
So I live to kvell
For news of Lin Manuel
I can’t let it burn
inside of me
A man can earn ten
thousand bucks
The victory is sweet
So I live to tweet
The news about his prize
I can’t let it burn
inside of me
My phone is never far
from me
I use it at my seat
‘Cause I live to tweet
Good word of Lin Manuel
And I thought my phone
was hidden well
LIN
So how did we get so
luvvy-duvvy with each other after all that anger? Persistence. At
several shows, Madonna sent her vibes to the stage and then tried to get into
the stage door trying to reconcile by saying we need to do it - for the fans.
tune of “True Blue”
MADONNA
Hey –
LIN
What? –
MADONNA
Listen!
They - love both of us
They - don’t know why you
made a fuss
Smart diva, Broadway
genius dude
They can’t stand that
we’re in a feud
You felt really beat
That Madonna had to tweet
So angry that you had to
vent
But no disrespect by me
was meant
(2x)
It brings – Cool buzz
That’s what a hot feud
does
We should make up be-cuz
Fans are crying out:
Boo-hoo, we love both of you
FANS
This time, we hope it’s
just buzz /
We hope that’s all this
feud was
It worried all their fans
‘cuz /
It’s true, we love both
of you
MADONNA
No-o more madness,
Let’s make up and kiss
They can’t choose sides
Over something like this
Why can’t we act like it
all was a stunt?
So we hope the day comes
along
When Madge sings Mr.
Miranda’s song
The two of us at odds
feels wrong
They say: You two, we
love both of you
FANS
Both of you
LIN
I’m a little lost.
Where are we in the story?
On yeah - At this point, Madonna was really trying to make up for her
tweeting faux pas. She even did
some drum-beating for “Hamilton” with the Drama critics to make sure their vote
came out right.
MADONNA
tune of VOGUE
Come on vote (Vote)
Let your ballot move to that music
Come on vote (Vote)
Let your ballot give Lin the win
Vincentelli, Stasio
People who are in the know
Teachout, Winer, Windman, Scheck
They don’t put up with dreck
Rooney, Cote and Gerard
They’re thinking really hard
Feldman, Green, Dziemianowicz
Don’t just rubber-stamp the hits
Sheward, Hilton; Kennedy, Mark
Know what work gives off a spark
Bernardo, Feingold, Gardner, too
Give the very best its due
Stewart; Zoglin; Rooney, Dave
They do not blindly rave
Sellar, Simon, new and old
Love a work that’s brave and bold
Critics with a vote to cast
Gotta get the word out fast
Don't just sit there, go on, do it
Cast the vote, there’s nothing to it
Vote, vote, vote
LIN
Speaking of vote, here’s
a moment you were part of, Mr. President - Once we’d made up, Madonna popped in
to advise the President’s family and entourage on cell phone etiquette for the
show, as the crowd warms to my standby.
MADONNA
Tune of WHO’S THAT
GIRL [Madonna’s recording, not the one from Applause]
(Who's that guy, who's
that guy)
When you see Lin, be
polite and kiss your phones goodbye
He’s fiery, he gets angry
if you even try
You’re important, but he
won’t understand just why.
You're typing so
discretely
But you can’t... – hey
wait a second
[Chorus:]
Hey where is Lin Miranda
(Who's that guy)
That’s not him, take a
gander (Who's that guy)
I paid premium, why the
standbys (Who's that guy)
Is this what half a grand
buys (Who's that guy)
I once tried to avoid
when Lin does not perform
But this fellow is great,
he’s taking us by storm
The crowd is on its feet,
the reception is so warm
Ooh, someone’s calling on
your cell
You want to answer but
you can't now
[chorus]
Who's that guy
Who's that guy
Who's that guy
Who's that guy
Light up your face, but don’t let the cast see
Light up your face, discretion is the key
Type faster, this show just burns you up inside
He's spinning round and round
You can't hold still, you try but you can't
[Chorus:]
Hey where is Lin Miranda
(Who's that guy)
Who’s that playing -
Alexander (Who's that guy)
I paid premium, why the
standbys (Who's that guy)
Is this what half a grand
buys (Who's that guy)
FINALE - Reporters with MADONNA
with Lin Manuel
Miranda now texting during Madonna’s performance
Tune of LA ISLA BONITA
Last night I dreamt of
Madonna
Just like Cher and Elton
John
She isn’t gone
Does she think she’s such
a rebel
She sings of her
yesterdays
With lots of praise
Topical and still a tease
Earning lots of license
fees
Knowing she still hopes
to please
La Diva Completa
And as the music plays
The standards set so high
She’ll grab your ear and
catch your eye
And never say goodbye
(bridge)
She likes to be where the
gimmicks are sparse
Where she just makes her
music and people don’t parse
Beautiful work with a
hook never fails
Where an icon has ego and
also has sales
Last night we dreamt of
Madonna
Just watch her
illuminate, then ruminate
Topical and so at ease
Comfortable with all her
keys
Does she really need to
please
La Diva Completa
And as her image strays
We hope she’ll chart real
high
She’ll grab your ear and
catch your eye
And never say goodbye
MADONNA
Goodbye, until the next time I need to sell something!
MADONNA with REPORTERS
Who are we kidding? I’ll (she’ll) see you in the papers
tomorrow!
Topical and so at ease
Comfortable with all her
keys
Does she really need to
please
La Diva Completa
And as her image strays
We hope she’ll chart real
high
She’ll grab your ear and
catch your eye
And never say goodbye
